The Smallest Things

Isn't it amazing how we can be waylaid by just the smallest things? All it took to really put a damper on my Easter was the tiniest speck of dust - really.  

Well, it all started before that.  I love Easter, and spent the whole week before preparing and getting my children into the Easter spirit.  So I had been busy with all of the Easter preparations and Nathan's birthday.  On top of it all, just before the party, we discovered that our second refrigerator in the garage had died.  Everything inside had thawed and spoiled, and so , after the party was over, I was up until midnight cleaning it out.  Nothing like sopping up a huge pool of melted popsicles and rotting meat juice.  Fun.  

So by Sunday morning I was exhausted.  No rest for the weary.  Up before the crack of dawn to do a little Easter sunrise service with the kiddos.  They went back to bed, and I went to work getting ready for Easter.  I was feeling particularly cruddy that morning.  Girl stuff.  And standing all morning cooking an Easter feast, cleaning up the dishes, and ironing seven white shirts was almost more than I could bear. My allergies, too, were going haywire.  Itchy, itchy, itchy.  Itching drives me crazy like nothing else can!  No one else was able to get up in a timely manner, and we couldn't get ourselves out the door in time.  It didn't help that our car was overheating and we had to drive at a snail's pace to church so it wouldn't overheat.  Ugh!  Even though church starts at 11, we missed sacrament, and sat out in the foyer.  Ironic.  I spent the whole week teaching my children the glory of the atonement, including the importance of the sacrament, and then miss sacrament.  I felt like a huge hypocrite!    I was letting myself have a lousy Easter morning.  Then, we were informed that Nathan wasn't going to get the priesthood that day after all, something we were all really looking forward to, because of some technicality.  Someone forgot to call us about an interview... procedure... da, da, da.  Whatever!  That was all it took!  I was tired, didn't feel good, was frustrated and emotional.  I started to cry.  So , to try to preserve my dignity, I rubbed my eyes.  That where the speck of dust comes in.  

Apparently, there was a speck of dust in my eye when I rubbed, because as soon as I did there was a sharp pain.  Ouch!  It felt like I had a chunk of volcanic rock under my eyelid, but I couldn't see anything in the mirror.  I had a corneal abrasion apparently.  Now I have had scratches on my eyes before, but this was much more painful!  I spent the rest of church hiding out in the YW room, trying not to remove all my mascara as I kept wiping my watery eye.  I couldn't help but keep trying to get whatever it was out of my eye, even though I knew it was no longer in there.  

After church we had to drive up to Yucca Valley to visit Dennis' family.  My eye was watering like crazy, and hurt so much every time I closed my eye - including blinking.  And my eye was extremely light sensitive.  I couldn't decide what was more comfortable, open eyes in the sun, and blinking, or closed with the feeling of a rock under my lid.  I yearned for a dark room.  No luck.  The Easter party was outside.  

As the day wore on, my eye got more red and swollen, and raw from my constant wiping of the flow of tears.  My nose was dripping too, from the tears, which kept me sniffling.  When we got home I was busy rushing around trying to get ready for our Easter with my family. trying my best to ignore my welling, painful eye.  I was getting extremely agitated and annoyed.  I was still not feeling well, and by now, any of that Easter spirit I had tried to invite was gone.  Finally, I couldn't take another second of it, and I just stood up and announced to my guests and family, that I was going to bed.  So I did - I haven't been so grateful to fall asleep in a long time!  I know that eyes heal very fast.  I remember when I got my laser eye surgery, I was completely healed in 2 days.  But this hurt a lot more than I remembered my surgery hurting.  Still,  I was hoping that everything would be much better in the morning. 

 It wasn't.  And even though it was spring break, and I didn't have to rush anyone off to school, Dennis needed me to help him take our car into the shop ($2,500 repair bill - yippie!)  The drive to the auto shop was nothing less than tortuous.  The sun was bright, and I could hardly see through the tears welling up in my eyes.  I was so happy to be back in my dark, cave-like home.  I closed the shutters and wore sunglasses all morning.   I couldn't watch TV or look at my computer. I was SO glad that I didn't have to drive anyone anywhere.  

By last night I things were much better - the pain had faded into merely annoying.  I was anxious to get busy and get things done.  Today things are pretty much back to normal.  That's why I am back on the computer again.  But, man, did I have a rough time with a little tiny scratch!   I feel like the biggest wimp in the world.  I've decided I don't handle stuff very well.  I feel sorry for my kids when I become an old lady.  They are going to have to hear about all my ailments.  Goodness.  

You know the parable of the mote in your neighbor's eye, and the rod in your own?  Well, my problem is that I am so miserable about the mote in my own eye, that I don't see enough to recognize the rod in my neighbor's eye and help him get it out.  I let the smallest things get me down sometimes, like that microscopic little scratch, when so many people are suffering from so much worse.  At this very moment my friend's brother is lying in a hospital somewhere in Colorado with a punctured eye,  shattered wrist, and a brain injury because he fell off a 60 ft. cliff while hiking. Others are suffering with other ailments, losses, and sadness.  On Easter we remember the great sacrifice our elder brother, Jesus Christ, suffered for each of us.  He felt every pain, hurt, and sorrow - even the smallest scratch on an eyeball.  He knows how to succor and bless us in our trials.  I am so grateful for this and I hope one day I will mature enough to see past the motes in my own eye to see the rod in my neighbor's eyes and help succor and bless them in the way he succors and helps me. Even in the smallest things.