I think the Lord is big on them too. So when Dylan was sick I really tried hard to see what wisdom I was supposed be gleaning from the experience. Some were obvious at the moment, others came in time. Now that the entire ordeal is officially over (well, except for the bills) I have decided to make a list. This list is in random order as I think of them, and I'm sure there will be more lessons that I won't even I realize I learned until months or years from now when I will need them. And some of these thing are things that I already knew, but like most gospel lessons, we need to continually relearn them. Anyways, here goes.
1. Healthy kids are the greatest blessing. How GRATEFUL I am for 6 healthy kids. I will never take that for granted again.
2. Good health insurance is absolutely vital. Thankfully, Dennis had just upgraded our insurance before Dylan was sick, and with all the stress and worry, it was a relief to know that we weren't going to loose our home to save our child's life. That is the last thing a parent in that situation needs to worry about. And its not like you can say no to expensive treatment because you can't afford it. You do whatever it take to keep your kid alive. Period.
3. I have an amazingly wonderful husband! I really did good in saying "yes" to his proposal on Catalina Island almost 18 years ago. I can't believe I was so smart at the tender age of 19 to make such a right decision. (Of course it helped that he was just so absolutely handsome. Still is.) Maybe I just lucked out. How different my life would have been if I had chosen otherwise. I really don't think I could have made it through this without his strong arms around me (in those rare moments when we were actually together when switching off between hospital duty and home duty.) And even when we were apart for days on end, we were absolutely together in spirit. I really felt "one" with him, as we both worked toward the same goal - getting OUR child, that we both equally love, well. I love him so much.
4. Kids are strong. I witnessed Dylan endure things the I KNOW I couldn't have endured. It was almost more than I could bear to watch, and I can't even began to fathom how it was for him to go though. Kids are small, and seem so week and fragile, but when it comes down to it they are as incredibly strong, brave, and resilient as any adults are.
5. I have a taste of what depression feels like, and it is so hard. With all of the stress, worry, lack of sleep, etc. I was a real mess! It was so hard to just get up and get anything done. I cried a lot, and got frustrated and stressed out so easily. Even after he was home and feeling better, I would start remembering those very scary days in the hospital, and my heart would start to pound and I would get all panicky to the point where I would have to go find Dylan to look at him and reassure myself that he really is home, he is doing well, and that that whole thing really is better. Those moments were horrible, emotionally reliving the whole experience over and over again. Because of it, I have much more compassion for people who suffer from depression and anxiety. It is so hard to really not have control over your own emotions, and to want to be happy, but not be able to get there.
6. Life is Good. Really. And Normal life is especially wonderful. Before this all happened, my bud Alysa and I always talked about how we needed to simplify our lives. But guess what? When you have a family of 7 or 8, life is never simple. Then we both had our taste of crisis living, and that normal life we used to know just sounded so simple and easy in comparison. We learned that maybe the only way to simplify is to have a crisis, then come out of it. Now that life is back to normal, though it is as busy and crazy as it has ever been, it seems blessedly simple. I'd like to keep it that way for a long, long time.
7. I'm not alone. There were moments in that far away dark hospital room with no phone, where I felt so very alone. But I learned that I was never alone. I felt the companionship of the Holy Spirit with me in my darkest hours. The comforter was there and made himself known just when I needed him.
8. I am so grateful for prayer. There was this strange moment during one of the very bad, scary days when we were first transferred to Loma Linda and nobody seemed to know how to help my child and he was suffering terribly, where suddenly I couldn't remember how long it had been since I had said a prayer. Then, just as quickly, I realized that I didn't remember my last prayer, because I had been praying incessantly for days. Every thought in my head at every moment was a plea with the Lord for my child. I learned what it really means to pray without ceasing - an open, constant, and familiar communication with my father.
9. I have learned greater compassion. I feel others' pain more deeply, especially if they are dealing with a sick kid or someone in the hospital. My heart really aches for them. I can understand more what they are feeling, and I hope I can use my experience to better aid and support them in their trials, which leads me to my next lesson...
10. I have come to better appreciate the atonement. Like I just said, the experience I had has given me more compassion for those who are going through similar trials. This has helped me to better understand why it was so important that the Lord, Jesus Christ suffered each and every pain that we endure. Because he did suffer exactly what we suffer, he really can understand EXACTLY what we are going through, and give us EXACTLY the succor we need. It is perfect! I am so grateful to know that He KNOWS because he's been there, exactly there, not just in a similar situation.
11. People NEED to give and receive service. I learned so much from the dozens and dozens of people who were so eager to serve us with meals, rides, or whatever else we needed, or didn't need. People are SO good. It was really, really overwhelming! From our loved ones and closest friends, to people we don't know well, and even perfect strangers, we were bombarded with acts of love and service, and offers or service and well wishes when we didn't need anything else. I was truly humbled by the generosity of everyone. It made me realize that I don't love and serve others as much as I should and I gained a greater desire to serve others. I also realize that we needed all of it to get us through. I needed the supportive comments on my blog and cinnamon rolls as much as we needed rides and meals for my kids.
12. We need our friends, and I have so many. Along with what I just said in #11, are we so blessed to have our friends and loved ones! I didn't realize how many friends we had until this happened. We were simply surrounded by support and buoyed by love. Even now I will be talking to an old friend I haven't seen for a while who had no idea about what we went through, and they feel so bad that they didn't know so they couldn't do anything at the time. There are so many wonderful people who love us, and I love every one of them, and am grateful for them in my life.
13. Fasting works miracles. There is no doubt in my mind that it was all of the fasting that ward members, family members and others did for Dylan that finally turned it around. It was just after that ward fast that the doctors knew what to do, and ordered another surgery, and it all got better from there. How grateful I am for the sacrifice of so many, for the fact that when we can do nothing else, we can fast, and that there is real power in fasting.
14. Doctors are only human. We tend to think that doctors can fix anything, that they are somehow superhuman. But doctors are just regular people who can only use the knowledge and technology that they have at their disposal, and the good doctors are the ones who understand this. The human body is largely a mystery, and much of what doctors do is guessing. But because they are human, I was able to read a lot in the doctors expression, as much as they tried to hide it, when I saw fear in their eyes, I was so frightened, and when I saw joy in their eyes, I knew Dylan was going to be OK. I am so grateful for doctors who care enough for those emotions to register in their eyes, even through their attempts at professionalism.
15. Mom's intuition is real and should be heeded. I don't want to get back into the whole "spider bite" thing. It just makes me fuming angry. But I learned through all this that when I know something, I know it, and I need to fight to be heard. A mother's intuition is a gift the Lord has given us to protect our children, and we need to trust it.
16. Dylan is an old soul. There were moments in all this where I felt completely unworthy to be the mother of that amazing soul. The way he handled all of the tortuous pain and the humiliation of the constant manhandling was remarkable. His testimony is so strong. His faith is immense. And his fortitude is absolutely unbelievable. Throughout it all he continued to read his scriptures and pray, and tried so hard to be good. He worried about other people, and usually comforted ME! I have a whole new respect for that little guy. He is someone very, very special, and the Lord has great plans for him. I feel so privileged to have been there to witness him handle this trial, and now to get to watch him grow into the man he will become.
17. Life is so fragile. Anything can happen to any of us at any time. We need to enjoy life while we have it, and love each other while we still can, and never, never, never take our time together for granted, because it can all change in an instant.
18. This is what we signed up for. The funny thing is not once in this whole ordeal did I ever ask "Why me? Why Dylan? Why us?" I think the question was more like "Why not us?" Everyone has trials. It is part of the deal - what we signed up for when we chose our Father's plan. Our tests and trials are part of life. They are what make us human, yet at the same time they are what hone our divine qualities and will eventually make us gods. I don't know why Dylan had to get this infection, where he got it, or why it settled in his hip. We'll never know. It just happened. Very strange. That is life, and this was our trial, and I am grateful for it, and that it wasn't a different trial. It could very well have been worse.
19. The power of hugs. There were a few days where I was far away in a strange place, surrounded by complete strangers, feeling hopeless and confused, with a child who was in too much pain to hold or even touch, where I CRAVED a hug. I needed someone's arms around me so bad, someone, anyone who knew and loved me and Dylan. My shoulders literally ached for want of a hug. Luckily my dear friends, the Muchenjes, came for a visit on that very worst day of days, and their hugs literally lifted me and put me back into a place where I could carry on.
20. I need exercise. That lack of exercise almost did me in. I felt so yucky when I couldn't exercise. It added to my depression and lack of energy, to be sure. Swimming and Taekwondo really help me clear my head and relieve my stress. It felt SO good to get back into it again. I never want to have an extended period without exercise again.
21. I am grateful for modern medicine. If we had lived a few hundred years ago, Dylan would have died. Of course, MRSA didn't exist a few hundred years ago, but neither did antibiotics, so any serious infection was like MRSA back then - a scary time of waiting out a fever. In Dylan's case it was over three weeks before that high fever finally broke. I was so grateful for MRIs, antibiotics, and surgery that saved his life.
22. I am grateful for the priesthood. I am grateful that my husband and father could administer to Dylan just before the ambulance took him to Loma Linda - send him off with the Lord's special protection as a shield over him. Every single blessing brought peace to my soul. If I had to do it all over again, I would have asked for a blessing for myself, as my sister suggested. I think it would have really helped me.
23. I hate hospitals. They are not happy places. I could never be a doctor or a nurse, but I am so glad there are people who love it. I'm just not one of them
24. All bad things really do come to and end. When you are in the middle of something horrible, it is really hard to fathom that life will be good again. It seems to go on forever. That was the longest 4 months of my life! But now, suddenly, it is over. Really over. All is well, and life goes on.
25. "I can do ALL things through Christ, which strengthens me." Christ got us through this, and now I know that I will be able to get through ANYTHING life can throw at me if I will but rely on the Him. Anything.
3 comments:
That was just beautiful. Even though we don't want trials, they really do make us learn and grow so very much in a relatively short amount of time. We learned so very much when Ossil got sick. Things that before were just words, but when you have a huge trial, you learn them to the very core. Before Leukemia was my whole life. Then it was seeming suddenly over, but I would think about it every day. Now sometimes I go a week or so without ever thinking about it. Some trials do end, and life does get back to normal - hopefully in a better way. We just can't let not thinking about it keep us from remembering the lessons learned or the blessings of the trials. Seems like you learned a lot from this one. We love you!
Amen
I totally identify with you Shelly. Even though I have a kid with different trials I have felt the same feelings. We are all so blessed.
Post a Comment