Why Can't Anything Ever Just Work Out?

It all started Friday morning when I went to give Dylan his 8am infusion.  When I pushed the syringe to flush his line, saline squirted everywhere.  There was a leak in his line.  It was coming out where the connector and the tubing met.  I didn't give him his medicine, since I figured it would just leak out everywhere.  So I just clamped it off and called the home nurses.  They sent out a nurse right away, who confirmed that there was a problem, and got on the phone to try to find someone who could fix it, but first they had to know what size tubing was used so they could get the correct fix-it kit.  So she called the hospital to find out, but they wouldn't release the information because it is confidential (She was asking for a size of tubing, not a full release of medical history.  Geeze!).  So she had to go back to the office and fax in a signed request, then they had to locate the right size fix it kit, and then they had to locate the one nurse qualified to fix it.  I'm thinking it is basically changing the nozzle on a very small garden hose.  It really shouldn't be that complicated!  Meanwhile, hours pass, and the time comes and goes for his 11 o'clock dose.  Finally I call the nurse and say that I am just going to put tape on it too keep it from leaking, so I can give him his medicine.  She freaked out about that a bit, since it isn't sterile, but whatever.  The kid needs his meds, and he is taking so many strong antibiotics that any germ stuck to the tape wouldn't have a chance.  Besides, I used medical tape, not duct tape or anything.  The tape worked - no leaking.  We waited for the qualified nurse, who was found, but very busy.  Finally it is afternoon, and I am getting ready for my trip to Hollywood to see Phantom of the Opera.  The nurse calls back and says the one qualified nurse is too busy to come, and just to take Dylan to the ER to have them do it there.  I love the "JUST", like hopping over to Loma Linda is no big deal.  I told her the tape was working fine, but she insisted I take him right to the ER. If not, she could come fix it on Monday.  I was furious.  It wasn't like this was a sudden emergency.  I had called them at 8am, as soon as I knew it was a problem, and now it was after 3pm, and they couldn't get their act together to help us.  I was not about to miss Phantom, especially when the tape was working just fine.  So stressful.  I went on a tyraid.  Why can't anything ever just work out???

So I went to Phantom, and forget my frustrations for one glorious evening!  

Saturday morning the tape was still working, but my mom-guilt started working too.  "You should really take him to the ER", said the good mom voice.  "But the tape is working just fine.  It will last until Monday", said the dominant bad-mom voice. " But the nurse was really concerned," said the good-mom voice.  "If she was so concerned, she would have found a way to come over and get it fixed," argued the bad-mom voice.  You don't want to spend the whole Saturday driving to and from, and waiting in the ER .  Besides, you have righteous plans.  You are going to work on disaster preparedness all day, remember?"  

The argument in my head continued all day, and the two voices were about to get into a cat fight when Dylan made my mind up for me.  He had been at my mom's house, helping her paint the fence.  He was running around, and his medicine got caught on something and the whole PICC line pulled right out.  Lovely!  

So while my mom brought him home I packed a bag with stuff to do, water bottles, snacks, etc. - anything I could think of that I might need at an all-night ER stay.  After all, this wasn't a life or death thing, and he wouldn't be top priority.  I was in a foul, foul mood, muttering things like "Why can't anything ever just work out?  Why is everything ALWAYS such a stinkin' pain?  Doesn't the Lord know that I have a bit too much on my plate right now, and I really don't need to drive all the way to Loma Linda to sit in an emergency room all night.  Is it too much to ask to have something go right for once?"  Bad mom was acting as my mouth piece, and she was pretty noisy about it.  

So I grabbed my bag and my kid, and slammed the door on the way out.

When we started driving, I could see that poor Dylan felt really bad.  He said that it was because his arm stung from when he yanked his line out, but I could tell that he was really feeling bad and guilty, like it was all his fault, and that I was mad at him, which I really wasn't.  I never was.  I knew that line was bound to get yanked out as some point.  He is nine after all, and after being down for 3 months, I really didn't have the heart, or even the ability, to keep him down now that he was feeling better.  I wasn't mad at him, I was just really, really tired, and have a list a mile long of things I need to do that I just keep falling further, and further behind on.  Saturday was supposed to be the day to get a lot of things crossed off my list.  Now this.

I felt bad seeing Dylan so sad.  I pulled the car over, and explained to him that I was not mad at him, and at least we wouldn't have to worry about the leak anymore, etc.  Then I had him say a prayer.  He prayed that we would drive there quickly, that they would be able to help us quickly, that we'd drive home safely, and that we would have a nice time.  His sweet prayer softened my heart.  I determined to change my attitude right there, and sent bad-mom packing.  "Okee doke, Dyls, its a mommy/son date to the ER."  We turned up our CD of "Joseph and his...Dreamcoat" and sang at the top of our lungs all the way.  It was fun.

When we got there it was 6:45pm.  A Saturday night.  When we drove in the parking lot Dylan said, "That's weird.  It doesn't look like there are a lot of people."  He wasn't kidding.  There was only one person in the waiting room!  A few weeks ago, when Dennis took Dylan to that ER to get his line unblocked, there was standing room only, literally.  People were sitting on the floor and standing outside.  It had been a Friday night, about the same hour.  They had waited almost three hours, and were told it wold be another few hours before they would be seen, so they finally just left.  We signed in, and were just getting settled in the waiting room, when they called us back.  We didn't even wait 5 minutes.  Who would have thought?

We waited a little while in the exam room.  A doctor came and assessed what needed to be done, and left.  A short while later she came back in.  She said that the vascular access team, which does the PICC lines, didn't come on weekends.  They would probably have to give him a regular IV for the weekend, and we'd have to come back next week to have the PICC line put back in.

Oh, here we go again.  the bad-mom voice started to reemerge in my brain.  A regular IV?  You want to hook this kid up to a regular, drip bag, needle in arm IV?  How would we work that?  What a PAIN!  I could have driven to a local hospital to get a regular IV.  Doesn't anybody work on weekends anymore?  I have to come all the way BACK here next week (I already have a Dr. appointment here on Thursday!) And then came the familiar refrain, Why can't anything ever just work out???

I explained my concerns to the doctor and she said she would see shat she could do.  She returned a short while later and said that she had good news.  There happened to be someone from vascular access who was still on call for a few more hours, and before the doctor could leave the room, the cute little gall from VA was there already, like magic!

The procedure takes some time.  She has to measure and prepare, etc.  When she was ready to start, I stood to watch, and she told me that wasn't a good idea if I was squeamish about blood.  I assured seeing blood really didn't bother me.  When I told her I had six boys, she believed me.

Dylan was so brave.  He was awake the whole time, which was really, really good, because if we had to put him to sleep, we definitely wouldn't be able to get it done that night.  It would have been way to complicated.  She did a good job, and got it right the first try.  Just as she was finishing another guy from VA showed up to do it.  The doctor had said there was nobody from VA, and now we had two!  Then Dylan had to get some chest Xrays to make sure everything was in place just right.  It was.  Then, when Dylan was feeling better, they discharged us!  That was it.  With the procedure and everything we were in the ER only about 2 1/2 hours! 

Several doctors and nurses commented that our stars must have been aligned just right because "nothing ever works out this quickly!"  Their words struck me.  I suddenly remembered my bad-mom mantra -"why can't anything ever just work out?" and I was humbled. My stars weren't aligned, I just had the Lord on my side.  No, I didn't need a trip to Loma Linda on a Saturday night.  I would have much rather stayed home, but since I did have to go, the Lord knew that I was overloaded, and that I had had only 3 hours of sleep the night before, and was exhausted.  He knew that if I was going make the drive home, we couldn't be in an ER all night long.  That was why the Lord just made it all work out.  He knew my limit, took me right up to it, then he made the rest as easy as possible.  Oh, why to I have to be so ungrateful sometimes?  I was truly humbled, and grateful for a loving merciful God who made it all just work out.

We left the ER, and even had time to stop for dinner at El Pollo Loco - Dylan's choice.  It was fun.  It was mommy/son date night after all.  

We drove home and made it before midnight.  I sang Phantom at top volume all the way home to stay awake while Dylan slept.  Still, I felt myself slipping into a doze a few times at the end.  I am not a night person and I was exhausted.  I knew that if it had taken much longer than it did at the ER, I might not have made it home.  But Dylan's sweet prayer at the beginning of our excursion was answered completely.  We made it there quickly, got everything fixed quickly, made it home safely, and had a nice time too!  What a wonderful little boy!

I am so grateful for the Lord's hand in my life.  I will remember this next time I feel like nothing is working out.  Life isn't easy.  By definition it can't be.  But sometimes, just when we really need it, the Lord bestows his tender mercies on us so stuff just works out.  The Lord is always working it all out for us somehow, isn't he?