Metamorphosis

I have witnessed a miracle - one a long time in coming, but amazing nonetheless.

On Monday night we went to the student-led parent conferences at the middle school (kind of a ridiculous idea to have the parents and kids have to come to the school to talk about their grades. Don't parents already do that at home? Hmmm. Maybe not.) Alex gives us his little spiel that he has prepared, shows us samples of his work, etc., and we tell him what a good boy he is and such. Then we go over to the teacher who hands us the report card. I take one look at it and burst into tears!

Alex had 3 A's and 4 A+'s!!!

That, my friends, was not the miracle. The miracle is the kid behind those grades.

I am not writing this post to brag to everyone about how brilliant my child is. Quite the opposite. You must understand that Alex has all kinds of learning disabilities and has struggled in school his whole life. It has been a VERY TOUGH row to hoe for this kid. Every year, for years, his teachers threatened to hold him back because he just couldn't perform. I wouldn't let them, though, because I believed that the problems he had would not be fixed by having him repeat a grade. In elementary school his grades were always dismal, and school was so tough for him. Those parent/teacher meetings always brought me to tears. I hated them, and needed Dennis there each time for back up.

But academics weren't his only problem. He had severe speech and behavior problems. Though he was usually a sweet kid, he would often throw horrible fits that neither I, nor he himself, could control once he got going. I never knew what would set him off. He was suspended several times for his outbreaks. I dreaded calls from the school. They were always bad news. It was really, really, really hard. He was my oldest child, yet it was always he that caused the biggest nightmares when we were in public. Imagine a 5 year old having the biggest screaming, kicking , out-of-control tantrum at the grocery store while I am trying to manage two grocery carts, a 3 year old year old and twin babies. That was my fairly common nightmare.

We spent a lot of money on speech and academic tutors and tried to find someone who could tell us what was wrong with our child and how we could help him. Once he was professionally tested and diagnosed as ADD, but I knew in my gut that that was wrong, and decided not to pursue that further. Alex just seemed to have so many different problems, and I knew that they must all be related, and if we could just figure out what that one thing was and fix it, we could solve all his problems at once. (Ya, naive thinking, I know). We fasted and prayed, and begged the Lord to help us find the right diagnosis so that we could get him the treatment he needed. I worried and stressed and cried a lot - for years and years.

Then one day in the depth of a worried, stressful, prayerful time I heard the voice of the spirit so strong tell me, "Alex will be fine. Just keep doing what you are doing." That was it. No diagnosis, no answers, no bathing in a river seven times. Just an assurance that he would be fine, and that I didn't need to worry so much. Those feelings were reconfirmed on several trips to the temple. So that was it. I stopped stressing about it so much, stopped putting unrealistic expectations on him, and learned to be happy with whatever I got from him after that. Sure, I still worried, and he still had all his difficulties, but when that happened I would always remember that assuring voice, "Alex will be fine."

And guess what? Now, on the verge of his 14th birthday, he IS fine. He is more than fine. He is one of my greatest helps, one of my greatest joys, and, frankly, the best student in the family.

You see, while I was stressed and fretting about things that frankly were very worth of fretting over, I was overlooking the little strengths in Alex' personality, that looking back now, were the strengths that he has used to pull himself up and out.

Alex always liked school, which frankly amazed me, considering all the troubles he had with it, and he always, always tried, even when he consistently tried and failed. I think most of us would have given up a lot sooner with such continued failure. Not Alex.

Another trait he had, that I didn't put enough stock in, was his determination and focus he could put on something when he decided he wanted it bad enough. I remember in kindergarten they give Super-U's for kids who do something good, that the kids could buy prizes with. Well, Alex spied some prizes that he really, really wanted to have, and figured how to work the system and get those Super-U's. He figured out just what service he could do for the teacher that earned them and was the first to do them for her. He figured out what yard duty attendants were more generous with the Super-U's, and got to know them really well. He would bring a plastic bag everyday to pick up trash in. Before long that kid had more Super-U's than he knew what to do with. He was coming home with all sorts of exciting prizes. After a while, it wasn't even about the prizes anymore. He was giving his prizes away. It was just about how many Super U's he could get in a day or total in a quarter.

Fast forward to 8th grade. The tantrums have shrunk in size and scope to a very nasty scowl, with maybe a storming away, if things are really bad, (not so very different from any teenager, I suppose.) And he still gets a little too rough with his younger siblings, (and seems to enjoy torturing them just a bit more than he should.) But over all, things have improved dramatically. Dramatically!

Alex announced this summer that he was going to get straight A's. "Good for you," I said. "Go for it." But I know how he struggles, and I wasn't expecting it would happen (though I figured he would get close.) I knew he would give it his best shot. And he did! Alex was on top of it from the first day of school - every assignment, every class. Every week he would go online and check his assignments to make sure he wasn't missing anything, ever. He regularly went to every teacher to find out what he needed to do, or re-do for more credit, or what extra credit he could do. Always. For example, one assignment in Language Arts he worked hard and got a 98% A+ on. Pretty stinking good, right? But he asked the teacher if he could re-do it, and got a 100% A+. Why? Because he realized that every single point counts. You see, Alex still really, really struggles, especially with his test taking. Usually we have to study for his tests together, taking turns reading the text book, and reviewing all the notes, and usually, with all the studying he does, he doesn't do well on this tests. He just doesn't, as hard as he tries. But he has learned that the tests aren't everything, and that he can make up for what he misses on the tests by turning in EVERY assignment, and all the extra credit he can find. He figured this all out on his own! Just like with the Super U's! (Leaving me no doubt that he will be able to do whatever it takes to provide for himself and his family one day too.)

And guess what? It worked. 3 A's and 4 A+'s. That is the best report card we have ever seen in this family (including myself, and straight A's were easy for me!)

That is why I burst out in a flood of tears (poor Alex, how embarrassing to have your mom blubbering like that at school!) when I saw that report card. I never would have believed just four years ago. The child who was once gave me some of my hardest trials, was now the source of some of my greatest joy! How on earth did that happen?

After the resource teacher gave me the report card, he asked to talk to Dennis and I alone. When Alex was out of range, he said that he didn't even know how to begin to tell us about Alex, but that in all his years teaching, he has NEVER had a student like Alex, ever. He has never had a student try so hard, be so on top of every assignment, be so polite and helpful. He said that the amazing thing about Alex is that he doesn't miss a thing, not a thing. He pays attention to every assignment, and does it exactly as assigned, before it is due. He continually talks to every teacher to make sure he is on top of things. The teacher just kept commenting on Alex's "total attention to every detail" (attention? funny, wasn't he diagnosed with ADD?). The teacher never told me what a smart kid Alex was, but what a great student he was - and there is a difference. Then again, isn't the way Alex is working things pretty darn smart? The teacher told us that if we could bottle and sell what Alex has, we'd be rich. (I told him, I'd like to bottle it and give it to my other kids.) These were not light remarks from his teacher. He meant every word. Wow. WOW!

Metamorphosis.

By the way, this week Alex also received his Life Scout advancement (which is just below Eagle Scout!) and he is only 13! He has worked just as hard on scouting as he has on his schoolwork, calling merit badge counselors himself, doing all the work, and making the arrangements. Now I have a little heart mother's pin on my lapel to prove just how hard he worked.

And just this morning I went to the 8th grade awards assembly where Alex received the 4.0 Platinum Award for his grades, along with a special Character Award for "Responsibility." The nomination from the teacher said:

Alex is an excellent example of responsibility, respect, and achievement. You set your goals and reached them! I appreciate your commitment to learning and growing as a student. I enjoy seeing you every day at school.

Metamorphosis.

If anyone would have told me this would happen years ago, I wouldn't have believed them. Then again, the Spirit did tell me, didn't he? Turns out the Spirit knew just what he was talking about after all. I should really learn to pay more attention.

Alex, I love you and am so incredibly proud of you! You are such a wonderful example to me! I want to be just like you someday. If I try, really really hard I just might!