Good-Bye Frying Pan. Hello Fire.

There has been a huge and completely unexpected change in my life this last few weeks, the effects of which I am still reeling from.

You see, about a week and a half ago, the Executive Secretary called me and Dennis to come meet with the bishop. Now he had called twice and asked for me (not Dennis) both times, so I figured that this would have to do with me, which completely baffled me because I already had a calling that I had really not been in for too long (less than 2 years). What on earth could it be? I say that, and I stewed on it for days about it, but really, truly, I knew exactly what was coming. I tried to tell myself that it was Dennis who was being called to something, or that I was just going to be released, but I knew better. It is never that easy, is it? Not for me, at least. Never.

The truth is I was struggling in my calling as YW president, though I really loved it at the same time. I love, love, love the girls, and the other leaders, and spending "girl time" with females every week. I love the opportunity to share my testimony of the gospel and of the YW program, and Personal Progress with these wonderful girls, and I cherish the relationships I have made with the other leaders. I love the opportunity to get creative and throw some girly shindigs, and do what I could to prepare these great girls for the temple.

That being said, the struggle I had with that calling was all the time it took. Lots and lots of time. Family time, mostly - Sundays, weeknights, Saturdays - lots of them. There was a time last month where I counted 10 days in a row that I was gone at some YW/church activity. It is just not that easy on a family of 8 to have mom gone that much. Sometimes I thought I was losing my mind! But it was my calling, and I loved it, and I did it without complaint. OK, OK, with complaint. All right, lots of complaint, actually. It is just the the Lord tends to take the busiest people and give them the busiest callings.

Anyway, it was the time factor that made this calling so hard, and I found myself not getting to lots of stuff I needed/wanted to do, telling myself "When I get released from YW I will get back to that... I just have to hang on until I am finally released from YW." Oh how I looked forward to getting to that list of stuff I have been putting off for the past year and a half. A whole new world was supposed to open up to me on the day I got released because I would finally have more time! Right?

Wrong.

My release as YW president came much sooner than I had expected (I thought it would be another year, at least) which should have come as such a great relief to me. But in the same sentence he released me, the bishop called me as seminary teacher.

Bingo! That was the one I KNEW was coming. I knew it before it came out of his lips.

How did I know?

It was partly my fault. You know the old saying "Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it"? Well, believe it. For a while now I have been finding myself spiritually slipping from where I once was. I know this had tons to do with the fact that I was so busy and stressed out. I was still reading my scriptures everyday (almost) but just, - just reading through my daily chapter - not studying, and certainly not feasting. I was not in a spiritual crisis, not by any means, but I felt like my relationship with my Savior was not where it should be, not where it used to be. So I have been praying and trying to get back to where I needed to be. I know that it come so much easier for me when I am teaching the gospel. I love teaching the gospel (and frankly, leadership is - lets just say -not my favorite. Yet for years I have bounced from one presidency to another, to another, to another.) I love teaching callings because I am forced to really study the gospel and then get the great privilege of sharing it with others. I wanted a teaching calling so bad my teeth hurt!

Well, I got one, didn't I? The BIG one. Seminary teacher. See what I mean? Be careful what you ask for.

Now the thing is, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a seminary teacher. Always. And I had full intentions of walking into the bishop's office and volunteering for a full 4 year stint on the very day Luke was out of middle school. How perfect would that be?

Yep, I had it all figured out. Someday. But for now, if I could just get through being YW president, then I would finally get that long-awaited, and well-deserved, I thought, break.

Nope. No rest for the weary.

When the bishop called me he told me that when he had been to the temple the week before praying about different names for different callings, he had suddenly gotten the message that he was supposed to release me as YW president and call me as seminary teacher. It came out of the blue, and was completely unexpected since things seemed to be running smoothly with the YW and I hadn't even been in there that long, and as far as he knew, we didn't need a seminary teacher. He was baffled, but he knew what he was told. So the next day he called the high councilman over seminary and asked if they needed a new seminary teacher. He said no. OK? So the bishop was still trying to figure that one out when the next Monday the high councilman called him back saying they did need a new seminary teacher after all because a teacher had just requested to be released. Amazing.

So how does one say no to a calling after hearing that? One doesn't. One says yes, then one struggles to put all the pieces together and figure out how it is all going to work.

He released me on Thursday night, and I was teaching seminary on Monday morning. Thus frying pan to fire.

Don't get me wrong. I really enjoy teaching seminary. I have REALLY great kids - Freshmen. I love it! And I came into the picture just in time to teach 3 Nephi, which is the very best part of the whole Book of Mormon! I have been studying the gospel everyday, and have already learned so much!

But once again, the part that gets me is the time. Teaching seminary, at least for me, takes tons of time. Only now instead of my calling taking family time (evenings and weekends) it takes my own personal time, the time I have carved out for myself each day, and that it quite a sacrifice.

I have always been a morning person. I LOVE early morning - the best time of the day if you ask me. I always get up at 5am, even on weekends, with or without an alarm clock. I am awake and refreshed, and at that hour my otherwise noisy house is peaceful and quiet. From 5am to 7am is my time. Most mornings I use it to go to the gym and swim, or I will use it to read my scriptures, blog, or whatever else I want to do. It is the only "me time" I get.

But now - seminary. I know myself, and if I don't swim first thing in the morning, I won't get it done. Period. So I have figured that instead of getting up at 5am and swimming from 5:30-6:30, my only option now is to wake up at 4am, swim from 4:30-5:30, shower and dress there at the gym, and get to the church before seminary starts at 6:10, teach until 7, and get home around 7:20, just as my two older boys are rushing out the door for middle school. It works, but barely. It will be much worse next year when I will have to find time to come back home after the gym to pick up Alex for seminary. I'll have to get up even earlier, I guess, at least until the new building is done (Oh happy day!)

I tried this new schedule, getting up at 4am several times this week. It was doable, but left me exhausted all week! I especially loved the day this week when I ironed and packed my clothes the night before, packed my make-up and blow dryer, etc and drug myself to the gym at 4:30am just to be told as I was climbing in the pool that they had to close the pool while they did the chemicals and to come back in 45 minutes. Um, don't they realize that anyone going to the gym at 4:30am is only there because that is the only time they could come, and that if I had another 45 minutes to wait, I would have still been in bed. Ugh! I'm hoping that my boys will get used to the idea of me getting up at 4 and that my family will get used to the idea that I just can't stay up late for them anymore. Because while it is true that I am now home evenings, I am not necessarily 100% here, if you know what I mean. Poor Dennis was looking forward to getting his wife back, might have to keep waiting for quite a while.

I have also become painfully aware this week that I don't posses that napping gene. As hard as I tried, and as exhausted as I was, I simply could not do it. Of course, since Luke is still home all day, it is not really an option during the day anyhow, and when the boys are home and I tried to take a nap, every single one of them invariably tapped on the door needing "just one little thing." I don't do naps. I guess my insomnia is as acute in the daylight hours as it is at night.

The other problem, and perhaps the harder one, is that the lesson planning takes so much time! I am just the kind of person who needs a lot of time to plan. If I ever get asked to speak in church, I need to have at least 2 weeks notice, otherwise I can't (and won't) do it. Proper planning takes time. And in seminary there are large blocks of scriptures to read, and re-read because you are, after all, teaching the scriptures. This past week was especially tough because we are behind and so I had a lot of scripture and lesson material to read through and pick the very best stuff to teach before we moved forward. Several times this last week I have found myself starting on my lesson as soon as the kids were all off to school, and finishing just in time to go pick them up! Really. Poor Luke is watching more TV than ever. Forget waiting until Luke is in High School, this all would have been a lot easier if it just waited two years until Luke was in school. I have been dreading these next two years already, before I got this calling because next year I will have kids in high school, middle school, elementary school and pre-school, and the next year kindergarten. That is a crazy schedule and a whole lot of running around! Now add seminary and a daily lesson to the mix! It will be nuts!

But for now this has to get better. I'm hoping I'll get into my groove, and get my lesson prep down to just two hours a day. Here's hoping.

At least this calling will help me with my procrastination problem. There is never time to procrastinate when you have a lesson everyday. And as YW president I always had about a dozen upcoming things hanging over my head, most of them i was in charge of. There were always lots of events/lessons/activities all lined up that I needed to worry about. At least with seminary there is always just one thing to worry about - tomorrow's lesson. Always, always tomorrow's lesson.

So anyway, my new calling comes down to this: I loved both my old calling and I know I will love this one too, but both take a ton of time. Only now I have more time for my family (as it should be) and no time for me. That is going to take some getting used to, and I'll need a lot of support from my family.

It will all work out. It is supposed to.

Meanwhile, I am getting in a ton of scripture study, and finishing the Bishop's Book of Mormon challenge will be a piece of cake. I know I will finally build the kind of relationship with my Savior that I have been aching for.

So how did I know what was coming when the bishop called me into his office? Do you remember Elder Perry's talk in conference a few weeks ago? He spoke about teaching in the home, and told how his mother taught Relief Society and spent hours and hours studying for her lessons, and writing what she had learned in a stack on notebooks. He said that even though she never actually used a tenth of what she learned in her RS lessons, she had used every bit of it in teaching her children. He said that you can never over-prepare to teach the gospel, and it is never a waste of time. It was when I was listening to Elder Perry give that talk in conference that I got a very clear message. It said, "What you learn teaching seminary will bless your family." That was it. It made so sense at all since I didn't teach seminary. But we all know how things can change on a dime in this church, so when the bishop needed to meet with us I knew what was coming. I knew it. And I knew that I couldn't say no.

By the way, when I got set apart today, I was told those same words in my blessing.

So here we go! From the frying pan into the fire (only I think it will be the fire of the spirit.)

Another adventure for me and for our family! I may get bags under my eyes and fat from lack of sleep and exercise, but think how wise I'll be, and hopefully my family too!