Resolutions

Yesterday I un-decorated, which means (if you've seen my house at Christmas you understand) that it took me the entire day, and it is still not quite there yet. I've still got to re-decorate my place with all of the regular decor, but first I have to dust, sweep, and vacuum. Is it just me, or are you also amazed at how your house looks clean (well, relatively) before you start un-decorating and you don't realize how much crud there is underneath all the glitz until you take all the decorations away? Yuck. OK, maybe it is just me. Maybe that is my plan. Christmas visitors don't see all the dust and grime because they are dazzled and blinded by all of the bright sparkly holiday wonder! (That's not dust, its glitter!) But things just seem SO BARE now that my halls have been un-decked that I am wondering how long I have to wait before I can plaster this place with red glittery hearts for Valentines. (For me, every holiday requires as certain minimum of glitter, period.)

Anyway, every year I realize that as I am un-decorating, and as my home begins to be transformed back into just "home" again, my mind can finally start focusing on the brand spankin' new year and all this things I want to accomplish in it. Lists start forming in my head. Not just resolutions, but habits I want to develop, projects I want to accomplish, changes I want to make, stuff I want to fix. OK, yah - resolutions. And the funny thing is that as my home becomes more and more transformed from holiday wonderland to just cozy home, the more I really believe that I CAN do them, and the more I plan to do. It is the power of transformation. It is seeing that, with a lot of work, change can really happen. Change inspires change!

Back in November I published a post about the triumvirate of holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, and then New Years, and I said that I believed that the Lord put them in that order on purpose. First Thanksgiving, to bring us to a remembrance of our great blessings and our reliance of the Lord, then Christmas to, in that humility, celebrate the giver of all good giftsthe source of all love by sharing that same love with all, and finally a new year, which is like being born again. The new year is our chance to become new creatures in Christ, and to work to become more like him. I love that.

The truth is, I have a pretty good average about keeping my New Year's resolutions - it was kind of a nasty little habit I picked up back when I was a Young Woman doing Personal Progress (having girls learn to set goals and work to achieve them scars them for life.) People often ask me how I do so much. Truth is, I set a lot of goals for myself, makes plans for them, and get at it. (For instance, I resolve to lose weight every year, and I do. But then I eat my heart out during the holidays so that I have to resolve to lose it all again the next year. Maybe I should just resolve not to pig out between Halloween and New Years, then I wouldn't have to resolve to lose weight every year. Hmmm. Naw!)

My problem isn't keeping my resolutions as much as it is keeping my list down to a manageable size so I don't end up driving myself and my family crazy.

As my un-decorating is not at completion, neither is my list of resolutions, and it is already long. I keep a pencil and paper near by while I work, so I can jot them down as I think of them - I realize I might have to edit it down to a manageable size later. But in my head I think I can reasonably do them ALL. I think perhaps I could do a hundred-day blitz and see how many of the projects I can cross off my list in my first 100 days in office, like the president does (well, assuming we had a president who actually did something more than spend us into oblivion.) Among the items on my list I resolve to floss more and be late less. I resolve to paint more pictures, try more new recipes, read more books, and find more time to cuddle. Oh, and I resolve to finish all the half- written, unpublished posts that litter my posts list (watch for them). I resolve to improve my relationship with some friends, my relationship with my children (especially the teenagers), my relationship with my spouse (yeah baby!), and, most importantly, my relationship with my Savior.

I have come to realize lately that my relationship with Christ is not where it has been for me in the past, and it nowhere near where it could be, where I'd like it to be. I read my scriptures, but not as much as i should, and I pray, but not as much as I could. My efforts have been lack-luster as of late, and I can feel the results of that in my life. Like any relationship, I know, the more I put into it, the more I get out of it, but unlike any other relationship, how close I get to the Lord is completely up to me. He will go with me as far as i am willing to go - that is the cool part about building a relationship with a perfect being. He doesn't need to work at it, and he won't make mistakes and have to apologize, etc. He is just there for me - always, ALWAYS - and the rest is up to me. But I've got to get at it.

Just like with an resolution, first I will need a plan. Luckily the plan is already worked out - it is simply the BSSA (Basic Sunday School Answers) - pray, read the scriptures, keep the commandments, go to church, attend the temple, repent, serve others - you know them.

Well, I already do these things, but the key is that I need to do them better. I need to pray more earnestly, with more intent, focusing on to whom it is that I am really speaking, give thanks with more gratitude, and ask more fervently for the blessings that I am in need of. I need to not just read, but feast upon the scriptures, come with questions, and delve deeply until I find the answers and the other treasures of knowledge the Lord has for me. I need to keep the commandments more precisely, and with the desire to keep them because I want to be like Christ who authored them. I need to not just go to church, but be there - listening, participating, and trying with full purpose of heart to find what the Lord wants to teach me. I need to attend the temple more and concentrate more on the spirit while I ams there. I need to repent daily, which means I need to be better at apologizing (ugh, not my strength) and try constantly to change. And I need to try harder to serve others, but more importantly, I have to pray to be more aware of the need that others have, and then find more joy in serving others, especially those who I am not crazy about. (The truth is that I love to serve those who I love, but have a harder time with the "least of these, my brethren". Something I need to work on!)

Every year at Christmastime, I read Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" (this year it was easy because it is on my magic iPhone!) I love it because it is a story of change, of transformation, and the power of a life. Of course my favorite part is the end where Scrooge is a new man! He loves life deeply and loves all mankind as well! He sets out immediately to right a lifetime of wrongs and make what changes for good he can in the lives of others. We often only remember the "bah humbug" part and forget the "new" Scrooge, but that is the whole point of the story! After that really long night, he kept Christmas well, all year through. I, myself, would really love to have these feelings that I have rediscovered at this holiday season - the gratitude, the love of my savior, and the resolve to be better - be with me all year through - to transform into a "new" more Christlike me. I know the only way to do this is to improve my relationship with my Savior. That's it. All the other resolutions I have jotted down on my long list are really inconsequential if I can only keep this one.

(Well except for the flossing one. My hygienist was pretty adamant about that one. I guess I can do both.)

Happy New Year's everyone. May you check off every resolution on your list this year!