Eat My Wake, Mister!

Sometimes I am so bad, I surprise myself.

I swim most mornings. I usually go around 5:30 and am often the only one in the pool at that hour. But in the summer I take the luxury of sleeping in a bit and this morning I didn't get there until almost 7:00. There were already a couple guys using the good middle lanes, so I had to take a side lane. The guy next to me was about 40 years old, a solid swimmer, good form, nice flip turn. He was busy doing his thing. I jumped in and started my workout. I usually start with 50 laps straight of freestyle. So I was swimming along when the guy noticed that I was almost at his side and he suddenly kicked it in. He was pushing hard - not going to let me pass him. So I pushed it too and soon I was right beside him. He kept pushing hard for a few laps, straining to keep up with me. But then the wall was there, and flip, in a flash I shot out ahead of him. (I love a good flip turn!) Soon I was out of his reach. About a dozen laps later I was at his heels again. Once again I saw him punch up his pace. I kept my pace steady (you have to when your swimming distance) but made my strokes longer and stronger and within 2 laps I had passed him again. When I was on about lap 46 I caught the guy again and he, not to be outdone, pushed it HARD for the next two laps and kept up with me pretty good, but at the wall, I flipped and shot off the wall again, and he stood up. He had had it. I still had two laps to go, and was pretty tired, but even if I was on my last lap, I know I would have keep swimming until I had a good solid lead on him.

I don't know what it is, but I LOVE lapping guys in the pool. I never feel that way with women. I hardly pay any attention to what the gal swimming next to me is doing. But I HAVE TO out-swim the guys. Isn't that bad? I'm not a man-hating feninista or anything, but when a man is swimming next to me I just feel this competitive fire. (Dennis will tell you that he beat me in a race. But that was one length of a backyard pool. Come on. One hard push off the wall and you're on the other side. He's yet to take me up on my challenge for, say, 50 laps, or even 20, in a real lap pool.)

Usually the guys never say anything afterwards. They'll act cool, pretending that they always swim that fast, weren't trying very hard, and that they didn't notice me lapping them time and time again. But today it was different. This guy pulled off his goggles in disgust and watched at me as I moved myself to the now vacant other middle lane. He was not happy! He was breathing heavy, his shoulders were slumped in defeat. "Man, you swim FAST!" ( But I'm NOT a man, that's the point.)

"Thanks," I say, trying not to sound too winded.

He just shook his head, clearly upset with himself. "I just can't believe I got my pants beat off by a woman."

"Your Speedos actually," I said. OK well, I didn't really say that, but I wanted to. I really just smiled.

"How do you do it?" he asked.

"Well, I have to do something to have enough energy up to keep up with my six kids," I replied.

His jaw dropped, and then his shoulders drooped even more when he realized that he had just been blown out of the water by the mom from Brady Bunch. Poor guy.

He climbed out of the water, deflated.

"See ya tomorrow, " I said as I readjusted my goggles.

"Yah, right," he said.

Then, just for good measure, while he was drying off, I did several laps of butterfly, shoulders nice and high out of the water. (That really was next on my workout - I promise.)

Poor guy. I think I ruined his day. .. but he sure made mine!