Twenty Years Ago

Twenty years ago I knelt down and looked across an altar at this face and said one simple word.

"Yes."

(Just LOOK at that face! Can you blame me? This picture was taken just minutes before he asked me to marry him! Yes, yes, yes!)

Twenty years ago!

He was the sweet faced recently returned missionary, the white boy with the Mexican accent, who couldn't get through a sentence without slipping in to Spanglish.  He had a big heart and big dreams and he was a big guy - taller than me, which was certainly a plus, with big strong arms that I have always made me feel completely safe from the world when wrapped in them.

I was young, very young, just 18 and newly out in the world, off at college.  I had my own big dreams: graduate school, a mission, studying abroad.  I was young and smart, and was going to see the world!

And then I met him,... and decided the world could wait.

I said I was young, but fancied myself an independent and forward-thinking woman who would never be so absurd and foolish as to become a teenage bride!  So I made him wait until a whole week after my 20th birthday which I was convinced was much more sensible.  Like a week makes a difference.  I guess I was sillier than I thought, wasn't I?

Yet, in the days and years and decades since, I have increasingly been amazed and grateful that we made such a wonderful choice when we were so young and so very naive!

I did make my choice carefully, I think, and prayed and prayed to know if he was the ONE.  He was, I was assured, exactly that.

I married him because he was ambitious, and so hard working.  I married him because he loved children, and he loved the Lord, and he was pretty darn crazy about me.  But most of all, I think I married him because he was to very cutest boy I ever saw!!!  That's the truth.  I was young, and he was a hunk, and there it is!

And that is why as the years have gone by, and I have gotten smarter and understood the ways of the world and seen others' relationships struggle and dissolve, I have realized how very, very lucky I was.

Now when I see girls get married that young I cringe, which, I realize is exactly what others probably thought about us.  They are so young!

But I also think that being young, it some ways, was such a good thing for us.  Sure, we both had some growing up to do, but we got to grow up together - towards one another - into one another, even.  Neither one of us was set in our ways, and the world was open to us completely and we could decide together which direction to step and which paths to follow.

Twenty years ago.

But you'd think that in all that growing up we have done (and continue to do, truthfully) together , that we would be more and more like each other. Not so.

Dennis and I are SO very different in so many ways.  He was the jock, I was the brain.  He is sports and movies, I am arts and literature.  He is the trusting optimist, I, the cautious pessimist.  He is street smart, I am book smart.  He is practical, I am aesthetic.  He is always planning for the future, and I love to reminisce about the past.  He is touch, I am feel. He is camping, I am B&B. He is a leader, I am a teacher. He is a night owl, I am the early bird.  He is buffet, I am gourmet.  He is usually calm and controlled, when I am am emotional time bomb.  A vacation for him is relaxing by the pool, for me it is seeing the world.

And yet our differences are what makes us work.  He is quite literally my other half.  We round each other out and we give our children two very different sets of talents and skills to draw from.  And because we look at the world differently, I think we make pretty good decisions, when we make them together.

Like, for instance, the decision to establish a new family together - twenty years ago.

And so we did.  I said "yes" and he said "yes" and then we took a peek of what eternity looks like in the mirrors of that sacred sealing room the LA temple.  And then we stepped out into the sun, into the real world, and started on that journey to eternity together.

Twenty years ago.

And it has been a great ride so far!

I was young and I had wanted to do so much and see the world, and at the time I had thought I had, gladly, given that all up for him.  But that was not true at all.  I did get my degree and my graduate degree.  We supported each other in our schooling, and he became a better student than ever when he had a family to support and who would support him.  He has always been so supportive of me and my dreams.  He has always encouraged me in my every pursuit and endeavor, whether it is art, or photography, or singing, or teaching, and he is always so genuinely proud of my talent and accomplishments.  I feel like I can do anything, because he will always be behind me, believing in me.

 And we have seen so much of the world - together.  The world is a big place, and should really be shared with the one you love.  In fact, we spent our very first anniversary, exactly 19 years ago, in Vienna, thanks to Dennis' one correct answer on a TV game show!

We have been back to Europe 3 times since. Germany and Austria, London & Italy, France, and Spain.  And we have seen the majority of these, the United States, most of them with 6 kids in tow.  But there is so much of the world to yet see, and we plan on seeing it all together.  And I will get to go on my mission one day - only I will get to have the best companion ever: the eternal companion I already picked, twenty years ago.

Then the babies came.  And came and came.  Because we were so young, we waited 3 1/2 years to start our family, but once we started, we quickly made up for lost time with 4 babes in 4 years.  Life was hard for both of us.  I was home, feeling quite trapped and overwhelmed with 4 in diapers, and he was trying to start a career and trying to build up clientele, all while serving in the bishopric.  But we somehow got through and made it work, together. Then, just when things started to come together and the boys started school and Dennis got settled into his career, he got fired and had to go out on his own.  And then another baby came, and another (all boys!) and he worked more and more and was gone more hours than ever trying to make it a go!  But his boys and his wife were his life.  Everything he has always done has always been for us.  He assured me that his long hours were to build up his business, and promised me that when his business was finally up and running smoothly and prosperous enough, he would be able to spend more time with his growing family.

I didn't really believe him, worrying that even though I had married him for being hard working, I might have married a workaholic, and that the more his business grew, the harder he would work, and that he might miss his growing family all together.

I was wrong.  As his business grew and prospered, he was, as he promised, more available for his children.  He is not a workaholic.  He doesn't live to work, but works hard for his family, and when he is not working, he wants to spend every minute with his family.  I hope he knows how wonderful he is in my eyes for this, for knowing that no matter what, he would work as hard as he had to, and do whatever is necessary, to provide for us so that I could stay at home to raise our children.

How could I have known this about him, twenty years ago?

And guess what?  He is not just crazy about his kids, but after 20 years he is still madly and totally crazy about me!  He thinks I am beautiful and tells me that EVERY DAY!  Even when I was prego with twiners and huge as a house.  Even now that I have had 6 kids and am sporting the laugh lines and frown lines and all manner of lines.  His eyes still light up when I walk in the room. His eyes.

The same eyes that still belong to that handsome face that I looked into when I knelt across the altar from him...

And said "yes"...

Twenty years ago.

Happy anniversary, Honey!  You still make me feel completely safe from the world when I am in your arms. I love you!